Requiem For a Wayward Soul: The Intermission
Just so you know, this is not a “political” post. It’s not. Rather, it’s a very personal post. Because so many of you have journeyed alongside me these past few years, I felt it was only fair that I share the latest chapters in my story…
Yesterday… I’ve spent the past 5 years angry. I was angry at God for allowing my son to be born with autism, for allowing my wife to be diagnosed with cancer, and for calling me out of the ministry. The first two events left me feeling absolutely powerless. The last event left me feeling completely useless. I imagined myself unwanted, abandoned, and rejected by the Divine. I wrestled with God until there was no strength left in my Spirit. So many times I shook my fist at the heavens and shouted out questions that only seemed to echo unanswered across the wilderness of my soul. Why… Why now? Why us? Why me? What… What did I do wrong? What can I do to fix it? What have I done to so displease you? When… When will it end? When will I ever get another chance? When will the sun shine again? And as I allowed the weight of present circumstance to crush my spiritual resolve, I slipped further and further into depression and anger. Hope flickered in that season and it’s flame seemed extinguished. I. FELT. SO. DEAD.
Today… A few months ago it all changed. Not the circumstances. Those stayed the same. My son still has autism. My wife is cancer-free but still fighting to discover that “new normal.” And me? Never called back to the ministry. God made it clear that my pulpit days were over. “Glenn, stop kicking on that door. It’s closed.” So, no, my circumstances did not change. But somewhere along the way, God changed me. In spite of my anger, in spite of my unbelief, and in spite of constant complaining, God graciously and miraculously changed me. I woke up one morning and it was all… different (even though it was still the same). My hardened heart had been made pliable. My anger had given way to joy. And my confusion had given way to peace. Not because of anything I did or deserved. I’m sorry but I don’t have a “checklist” to offer you. It was all undeserved, all grace, and all Him. He had once again proved Himself faithful despite my own faithless and feckless nature. I. AM. SO. HUMBLED.
Tomorrow… At the beginning of October I head to Oxford University in England… at the age of 47. After that, God has given me a dream to enter public service. I have already begun sending my resume to the US House of Representatives. For the first time in 5 years the winter of my soul has begun to thaw and the first blooms of my greatest adventure have begun to blossom. I am excited. I am terrified. And I am overwhelmed constantly with a sense of both privilege and responsibility. God spoke to me so clearly, “You have served the poor. Now, go serve those in power.” I look to the horizon and I see an end to my wilderness wanderings. Passion and purpose have been reborn in my spiritual womb. I. FEEL. SO. ALIVE.
So… I know I left out a lot of the details but I wanted to give you the “Cliffs Notes” version for now. Why? Because I just wanted to remind anyone currently reading this that the God who DID it for me is the God who WILL do it for you. He will not forsake you. He will not fail you. He will remain faithful. How can I be so sure? Because He did it for me when I deserved absolutely nothing. I remember accusing God of being unjust, “God, I gave You 20 years. And this is the thanks I get?” And in return He gave me grace, a bountiful, beautiful, overflowing, outpouring of grace. He did it for me. He will do for it.