You Can’t Spell Healthy Sex Without 5 Ps
No, I was not hacked. And no, I have not lost my mind. I figured it was important to address those two questions IMMEDIATELY today since I’m sure they were the first things you thought upon seeing the title 😉
For years now people have sent me their requests for possible topics. Healthy, meaningful sex has been repeatedly suggested over the past 4+ years. But to be honest, I’ve avoided the topic. First of all, there are already plenty of resources available on the subject. Secondly, it’s easier for me to simply avoid topics that might stir up controversy. I’ve never had any real interest in being the “shock jock” of Internet blogging. And in that regard, I promise you that this will be both tasteful and clean. So, if you were hoping for something racy or raunchy, I “apologize.” Not today. Not in this blog.
Having said all that, let’s begin. Here are the 5 Ps of “healthy sex.”
- People. Sex involves people. Yes, I know that seems like a given but it needs to be said. Why? Because our society has gone to great lengths to depersonalize it. For many people, sex is little more than a physical act. The result is that people become mere objects, sexual toys that exist simply for another person’s pleasure. It’s why our culture is able to move through multiple partners so quickly and so easily. If we eliminate “people” from the equation, we can also do away with concepts like love and commitment. People become cheap. People become disposable. During the past 25 years I have counseled many married couples who had forgotten that their spouse was a person with feelings, emotions, and concerns of their own. The results were never good.
- Priorities. If you make sex the foundation stone for a healthy relationship, you are only setting yourself up for disappointment and disaster. People change. Relationships go through seasons. Life has a way of disrupting the course of the day-to-day. As the years pass by, that initial physical passion tends to dwindle. Sometimes, it can be eliminated entirely through things like sickness or physical impairment. Oftentimes, the result is that in the absence of love and commitment, the physical bond of sex is insufficient to keep people together. Make love the priority. Be committed to compassion and caring. The amazing thing is that making love the priority always leads to more satisfying sex.
- Perspective. I know this might be hard to believe but there is more to life than sex. Yes, the world around us constantly bombards us with the message that everyone everywhere is having sex all the time. From the checkout line at the grocery store to the commercials on television we are fed a relentless stream of skewed perspective on the importance of sex. Why? Because in the advertising world “sex sells.” However, in real life sex does not sustain. Too many couples neglect the essentials of a healthy relationship in favor of physical union. And in the end they lose everything.
- Mutual Pleasure. Selfishness is destructive in every realm of a relationship and the bedroom is no exception. Healthy sex depends largely on getting to really “know” the other person. That means we recognize that sex is not simply a physical act. Sex involves the emotions, the spirit, and the personality. A healthy, sexual relationship understands that those three components are always at work during the sexual union. Too many people forget that truth and wonder why their partner loses interest and desire over time. Sorry, but nobody likes to feel like they are being used and simply putting a ring on their finger doesn’t change that reality.
- Patience. I’ve heard it said that, “Men are microwaves and women are crock pots.” Most men are ready and willing to have sex at any time and in any place. Women are generally more “involved.” The great failure on the part of so many husbands is that they fail to extend patience to their wives both inside and outside of the bedroom. Sometimes, she really does have a headache. Sometimes, she’s honestly not in the mood. Brother, be patient and go take a cold shower. But to be fair, the other side of the coin involves the ladies. Wives need to remember that their husband’s patience is not infinite. Sometimes you just need to take a couple of aspirin and get to it.
Well, I have more that I could probably add but I’ve reached my word limit. (I might write a follow-up but we’ll see if there is any demand after today. In fact, we’ll see if I even still have an audience after today.) In closing, let me add that I’d love to hear some feedback on this one. I certainly don’t pretend to have all the answers and I would love to learn from some of your life experiences as well. I hope this has been a help. Take care.